Last night, I had a strange dream. It was going well at first- I was throwing a party at some swank place on the water that was apparently mine and many friends and family were coming. I had loaded up on lots of good wine and food, and there was going to be a room for dancing. The inside of the house looked a little bit like my grandparents house, if you made it a lot bigger and rearranged some rooms. The party began, the dancing began, and all was merry and gay. Colin Firth was even there, though I remember thinking that was strange since I didn't think that I knew him personally. He certainly seemed to know me quite well, and when he swept me onto the dance floor, I decided it didn't really matter. We began to glide smoothly across the room. Suddenly, I felt a sharp pain in my right index finger. I stopped dancing, much to my chagrin, looked down, and saw that the joints of my finger were becoming hugely misshapen and deformed right in front of my eyes, and I couldn't move the finger at all. I was horrified.
I often get painful toe cramps where one toe will suddenly appear to wrap itself around the one next to it. In my dream, this is what it reminded me of, except the bones and joints were clearly moving around and being destroyed. At first, I tried to pretend like everything was still hunky dory, and I found that if I squeezed my finger tight with my left hand, I could shift the bones and joints momentarily back in place, but it was incredibly painful and took tons of energy, not to mention the fact that it was really awkward standing at a party holding onto my right index finger. The party wore on, and eventually, I could tell that there was no way to keep my finger from being completely deformed, like some kind of crooked, warped branch, so I gave up, screamed, and then woke up.
I immediately lifted my right hand up to check out my finger. It was slightly puffy, as per usual when I first wake, but only a little bit, and there wasn't any pain, so I felt relieved that (at least for now), it was just an ominous bad dream. On the plus side, at least I got to dance with a smitten Colin Firth before it all went to hell.
Too funny!
Posted by: millicent | January 06, 2010 at 06:15 PM
M-I know! What a coup that Colin was there, though. If only.
Posted by: Sara | January 06, 2010 at 06:20 PM
Was he in his "Mamma Mia" spandex????
Posted by: millicent | January 06, 2010 at 07:32 PM
You know, I'd actually be ok with a painful finger in exchange for Colin Firth!
Posted by: Amanda | January 06, 2010 at 08:24 PM
its true, amanda. not a bad deal.
Posted by: Sara | January 06, 2010 at 10:17 PM
oh goodness! what an amazing, and at the same time, horribly unsettling dream!
Posted by: jodi | January 07, 2010 at 12:04 PM
hmm.. perhaps the start of a plot for some twisted comedy/horror sequel of Bridget Jones? "Bridget Jones and her RA Romances."
I empathise with you about the bad dreams though. I'm just waiting to start treatment and have been having way horrible dreams that wake me up terrified. Not fun but I guess as much as we try to subdue the fears during the day, the brain is free to freak out at night. :(
I love your blog btw, it's a big help in this 'waiting game' stage for me.
Posted by: Nadia | January 07, 2010 at 01:31 PM
Hi Sara, I completely understand! I've had dreams where I am faced with endless stairs and I start panicking and doubting if I would ever be able go down the stairs without my RA crippling me. Definitely not fun!
Posted by: Ying | January 08, 2010 at 08:45 AM