How to boy-proof your apartment if you have RA

If you have rheumatoid arthritis and plan to start dating, it's inevitable that at some point, assuming your efforts are met with some degree of sucess, you are going to end up seeing one another's home.  Now, there is peril enough in this moment for the average healthy single gal or guy making their first trip over to their date's apartment (what is that weird odor? Oh my god, that used to be a block of cheese? Is that seriously a poster of Yanni on their wall?), but when you are laced with a chronic disease that you don't yet want the new person in your life to know about- and they are coming over to your apartment for the first time- the situation becomes even more fraught with danger.

I mean, for starters, there are needles. And bright red sharps containers with big bio-hazard signs on them under the bathroom sink. And a suspicious number of vitamins, supplements and prescriptions strewn about on the kitchen table.  In fact, the entire medicine cabinet is stocked well enough to sedate a herd of cows. One innocent glimpse inside could be enough to raise the alarm. There are also weird boxes of medicine lurking conspicuously in the crisper at the bottom of the fridge instead of lettuce.  And, upon closer inspection, numerous prescription receipts, insurance claims and doctor bills just sitting out unabashedly on the desk, waiting to be discovered so they can out you.

So not only do you have to worry about taking care of the normal things when expecting company, such as clean hand towels and hiding embarrassing romantic comedies from the 80's (I mean, not that I have to do that), you have to remember to put away that refrigerator calendar that enbrel sent you and to stash all your meds some place where they are unlikely to be casually revealed.

And, it doesn't stop at proofing the apartment.  When you are dating and hiding a chronic, rather high maintenance disease, there are others things to consider. Any and all band aids covering recent injection sites should be removed. Pills normally taken out in the open during dinner need to be covertly tossed back when your date goes to the bathroom. Remember, although you have become accustomed to such behavior, most people in their 30's don't swallow three pills with their evening meal.

Frankly, it's a lot to contend with, especially when you aren't even sure how much you like this person yet, or how long they might stick around.  But, given that telling someone about said chronic, high maintenance disease isn't usually considered good first, second or possibly even third date material, the above precautions may be necessary to ensure that your date goes smoothly. 

Make sure you're prepared.

Comments

[Cathy]

Gosh, I feel so lucky to have already found myself a good guy. :) Sometimes though, even for a husband you have had for years, you want him to come home and not have to see you in pain or see any of the things associated with this. You just want it to be gone.

[Melissa]

Now I'm the other way around. I would rather get it out on the first date and not have to have a second if the other person can't handle it.

It worked for me and we'll be married for 14 years this year.

Of course, if we could just wish RA away, I vote for that! Good luck with the dating!

[S.]

You crack me up. This is a really great post. So true. Most women only have to worry about hiding "feminine" products.

Hope you find a great guy soon. One who loves you for who you are...RA and all.

S.

[Sara]

Thanks everyone! we'll see how it goes.

[Katherine]

Sara,

Totally understand. Although I have been in a relationship for over 9 months now, I had previously been a star on "Sex and the Sickies" (bad pun, i know). Dating with RA is not a fun process.

It's a tough subject matter to bring up. I remember on my third date with my now boyfriend, he bought me a bottle of water while we were out one day and I just hoped I'd be able to open it on my own (which had been one of those tasks I frequently had to ask my roommate to do for me), and other various little things like that.

The important thing is that when I did tell him, after several weeks of dating, he was very open to learning about it and expressed nothing but concern for my well-being. It was nice that he didn't ask the usual, "isn't that for old people" question and instead listened as I explained what it was, what it does to my body and how it will affect the rest of my life.

The real trouble arises when you DO find someone worth spending you time with and you want to start getting intimate. RA can be a real "pain" and having an understanding man is a necessity!

Wishing you the best of luck. I promise I will email you soon - sorry i've been so bad.

~Katherine

[Sara]

Hey Katherine
yeah, it's those little things like having to open something that will totally give it away! I've been spared having to figure out how to bring it up so far.
It's nice to hear a success story, so to speak! No worries on the email :)